My birthday has always been a day where I am allowed to be selfish. I get to do what I want to do, to eat what I want to eat, not to mention, gifts! This morning I woke up with those same selfish emotions, but they were quickly extinguished as I walked out the door heading to work.
Walking out of the house, I saw that I had missed a call from my dad. As I listened to his singing and words, an overwhelming sense of love and joy penetrated my heart. What is so extraordinary about that is that I haven’t had the picture perfect relationship with my dad. For many years, anger and resentment had gathered in my heart creating a levee-like barrier which prevented me from seeing my dad as anything but a foe. The past couple of years, this levee had been springing leaks; and this morning, as I sat in my car, the levee broke. Everything that I had not allowed myself to feel for my dad came rushing out. It was overwhelming.
In hopes of regaining my composure, I began to read the birthday wishes posted on my Facebook page; unfortunately, I again started to weep. The composure I had regained was, indeed, short-lived. The words chosen to describe me were simply overpowering. Words such as “amazing”, “wonderful”, “godly”, “role model” were being used to describe me. The thought of me, a sinful woman, being described by such affirming words was inconceivable and impossible to fully process. The tears would not stop and my flawless make-up was now, well, flawed just like me. Any other day, I would have reveled in such compliments; but today, I felt sick, nauseous and completely inept. I was reminded of how none of those words could ever be used if it were not for Jesus. It is His character that radiates and what others are describing.
So, as my head continues to throb and my stomach continues to ache from all the tears shed, I will enjoy this day, not because it is my birthday and I have an excuse to be selfish; but because I have once again been overtaken by His redeeming love for me!