Have you ever been so consumed with despair, fear, doubt, sadness that you couldn’t sit up? You wanted to hide under a rock and just simply disappear? My last post talked about how real Satan is and how he is OUT FOR OUR HEARTS!! Well, the last 2 days, I FELT IT!!
I am not going to lie and say this has been an easy week for me. It, for lack of a better term, sucked!! A new phase in the war for my heart has begun. I have discovered my desire to get remarried and have more children has increasingly become a greater idol in my life. However, my God, whom I have grown deeper in love with, is a jealous God and He is NOT putting up with it!!
Thursday night, I was heading to Bible Study and I felt an overwhelming sadness. I called my dear friend and just bawled! I was lost, confused. I was so disillusioned…Last night, I was at the Mandisa Girls Night Live concert with about 14 others. As we waited for the show to begin, I sank lower in my chair. I had this overwhelming feeling to just leave, but there was no way anyone would let me leave. When the music began, I didn’t sing. I didn’t dance, I didn’t even stand up! (Now, if you know me that is just not normal!)
To make a long story short, at one point I was praying. I suddenly had a tidal wave of lies flush into my head. PURE LIES!! So, I began rebuking the enemy! In the name of Jesus, straight up REBUKING!! I was shaking, it was so powerful! What happened next was amazing…Laura Story was on stage and she began signing Blessings. I started sobbing! And my girls all came around me, laid hands on me, prayed for me and sang for me!
It took a bit for me to compose myself, but by the time Mandisa came on, the Lord gave me the strength to sing and present to Him my Broken Hallelujah because when my offering is only a shattered praise, still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins and I will worship and give You thanks!
Oh Father, You have given much more than I deserve and I have felt Your hand of blessing on me at every turn. How could I doubt Your goodness, Your wisdom, Your grace? Oh Lord hear my heart in this painful place. I lift my voice. Your Spirit move. I raise my hands. I reach for You. Hallelujah!
Yes, I have had a bad week and humans have been the ones delivering the blows, but I do not fault them, because as I sank lower into my chair I started believing the same lies they told, but fortunately (yes, fortunately), I have had PLENTY of battles with this enemy so I can recognize the schemes and oh man…does this mean war!! Because when you knock me down, Satan, it’s only easier for me to get on my knees!!