It has been 5 days since Jake and I left Florida and 5 days until we return. It is amazing what can be learned in 5 short days…
I wanted Jake and I to come to Boston before we went to Guatemala. Since originally we were going to leave for a year and I hadn’t seen my family in about 4 years (Jake was here for a week last summer!), I wanted to spend some time with my family, but I wasn’t sure if it would happen because of my limited finances. About a month ago, I mentioned to my dad my desire to come up and he offered to buy our tickets. This was a true Blessing from the Lord in so many ways.
The last time I was here, there was a heavy load on my heart. I had come back with such animosity, such anger and bitterness because of the memories being in this state brought back. I spend little time with my family using the excuse of my best friend’s wedding. I knew what I was feeling was wrong, but I just couldn’t help it: I had run away from here for a reason and all those memories were hitting me all at once. Fortunately, the Lord allows such times to open old wounds we had covered for so long, because the only way He can heal them is if they are exposed.
So many things have changed since that last visit. The past 4 years have included unemployment, 4 mission trips to Guatemala, a change in career and a much-needed hiatus from dating. Throughout the 4 years, it was revealed to me why I had been placed on this earth to do. (We are all called to bring Glory to God, but we are all called to do it in different ways!) Mine was to be a voice for those struggling with abuse, abortion and adultery. I have led 3 groups in a post-abortion Bible Study and I pray I can become more involved in being a voice for the millions of babies and their moms!
In addition to the discovery of my ministry, I have been able to release anger and bitterness that was holding me captive. I have grown in a deeper understanding that although bad and traumatic, my past was nothing that caught the Lord by surprise. He handpicked every single experience specifically for me; the good and bad ones. Even the ones that He wouldn’t have wanted for me, but knowing the paths I would take, He made them all work. There was no need for me be angry or hold my family responsible.
In 4 short (yet long) years, I have been freed enough to come back, hug and love on my family like I have never done before. I have even been freed enough to consider moving back here…I said “consider”! 🙂
Amazing how in 5 short days, I was able to see all of that…I’m excited to see what the next 5 days will bring! However, just because huge strides have been made, doesn’t mean there isn’t any residue still lingering, so please keep Jake and I in your prayers!