Free will…who says it’s free?

Everyday we are faced with decisions. Everything is a choice. We choose every step we take and every word we speak. We choose to react or not to react at all. Even when we are not consciously choosing, we are choosing. This is what is called “free will”. It’s a God-given gift.

This week, like every other week, I made bad decisions, but this, not like any other week, I chose to sulk in my defeat. Not necessarily wallowing, but “examining” why I did what I did when the answer is quite simple; I am not perfect and will not always make the best decisions. The part I forgot though, was that God already knew that.

He knows I am human and will make mistakes (sometimes the same ones over and over again), but He loves me anyways. My successes and failures do not determine how much He loves me or how He sees me. He always sees me the same…I am His daughter. He hurts when I make a bad decision, but it doesn’t change or alter His plans or love for me.

Knowing this truth should give me comfort. I should not feel bad when I make a mistake because, well, I’m human and it’s part of my DNA, but that isn’t the case. Because I know this truth, I want to do better, be better, live better. And in turn, I have another choice…

When I fall short (and it’s guaranteed I will) what will I choose to do? Will I hide and try cover what I’ve done? Will I justify my reaction? Will sulk in my defeat?

I already admitted, this week, I chose to sulk in my defeat with the cover-up of “examining” my behaviors. I, subconsciously, chose to entertain twisted truths of “I will never be good enough” and “I don’t deserve to be used for anything good”. Those statements are true: I will never be good enough and I don’t deserve to be used for anything, but God doesn’t see me like that, He sees me through Grace.

So, instead of hiding, covering, justifying or even examining where I made a wrong turn, I can just go to Him say, “I messed up, can You show me why and how I can avoid doing this again?” And the Awesome part? He will!

Choosing to come clean and admit I made a mistake isn’t the easiest of the choices and sometimes requires alot more of us, but who said free will would actually be free? After all, the Ultimate Price was paid on a cross over 2,000 years ago!

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