Surprise

‘My timing is not His timing. My plans are not His plans. My ways are not His ways. My good for His Great.’ Words you keep telling yourself when you know something is coming, but you have no idea what it is.

I am a planner. I like to know that things have been thought through and planned, so I know what to expect. No surprises. Because, well, I hate surprises.

Let me elaborate. I don’t mind being surprised, but I can’t stand knowing there is one coming. If I am going to be surprised, I would prefer to be completely in the dark until it is fully revealed. I guess that is why I dislike scary movies or scary anything for that matter. I know I am going to be scared, I just don’t know when it’s coming, and that irritates the crud out of me.

I truly believe God finds this characteristic of mine amusing. Because although He is a planner as well, He does not always divulge His plans to His children. He gives us our daily bread. He wants us to depend on Him, trusting that He indeed has it all worked out. Giving us too much might make us greedy; giving us too little, would be leaving us wanting more.

Five years ago, God told me something was happening in my 40^th year. That’s all He said, something. No details. No specifics. Not even a category. I already knew that my 40^th year would include Jake graduating, but I knew that wasn’t going to be all.

When I first heard that message, I spent months imagining what it could be. Was I getting married? Was I moving to Guatemala? Or back to Florida? Was I getting married? (Oh, did I say that already?) I tried to find answers in everything. I was frustrated that I knew something was going to happen, but I didn’t know what.

As the years passed, the desire to know dwindled. I got busy and caught in the present that I forgot about the future, per say. Plus, it was so far off, it kind of seemed out of reach. Well, as my 40^th year got closer, the anxiety and desire to know rekindled and it was stronger than ever. Jake graduated, knew where he was going to school and it was all paid for (PRAISE JESUS!!). But what about me? What was I going to do?

Well, some things worked themselves out and I ended up spending my 40^th birthday back home in Florida. I spent 10 wonderful days with friends from throughout the 15 years Jake and I had lived there. Person after person asked when I was coming back. Of course, that was my desire, but I wasn’t certain if it was God’s will, so I just asked people to pray.

When I got back to Thomasville, I was renewed. Not knowing wasn’t scary anymore, it was just unnerving. I prayed and prayed. Begging for an answer. Begging for some huge revelation of the remainder of “the plan”, and it came, sort of. It wasn’t a huge revelation, but it was a huge storm. Hurricane Irma was on its way to crush my home and all I wanted was to be there with my friends. As crazy as it sounds, I wanted to weather the storm with them.

The Friday and Saturday prior to the storm hitting, I was literally sick. My anxiety was causing my body to go haywire. Then God did something amazing. He made the hurricane fall apart. As the days passed, yes, there was evidence of a storm, but there was a sense of gratefulness for God and His never-ending mercy.

After a week of anxiety, anticipating the worst storm in history, there were deep breaths and sighs of relief. I was also relieved. Relieved my friends and their homes were spared, but my anxiety had made a shift. I now knew what my next step was to be.

And this is where I am today. At the crossroad of this next step, a new chapter. I have given a “I’m leaving, but not sure when” notice at work and know that I am moving back to Florida at some point, but that is as far as I know. I am looking diligently for a job. Applying for whatever opportunity crosses my path and praying for God’s direction every step of the way. Would I like the entire plan laid out before me? Of course, but for right now I will do my best to be satisfied with the daily bread He provides and try not to get too caught up in the fact that I still, in fact, hate surprises.

Life Altering

Sometime in late 2011 or early 2012, the opportunity was offered for members from Thomasville Baptist Church in AL to participate in a mission trip to Zacapa, Guatemala. Each person who was sensitive to their desire to go either chose to pursue it or chose to ignore it. Some who had been to Guatemala were eager to return and others were eager to visit for the first time; either way each person had some kind of expectation of what was in store for them.

About a ten-hour drive away in Belleair Bluffs, FL, a mother and her son were also planning a trip to Zacapa, Guatemala. Unlike the TBC team who was only planning a one-week stay, this mother and son team were planning on staying for eight weeks. They packed all of the belongings they would need for their trip and either sold, donated, or stored everything else. They knew that upon their return from their summer adventure, they would be starting anew.

By divine intervention, these two teams met on July 14, 2012 in the Guatemala airport when the mother and son team, who had already been in the country for a month, would serve as translators for the TBC team. They had never met nor even knew that the other existed until that very moment. And at that moment, a ripple effect began.

Within a few days, a bond had developed, friendships were made, hearts were stirred and plans were being made. By the end of the week, the mother and son team were considering moving to Thomasville, AL. And a little over a month later, they did just that. Now, a year later, those friendship continue to develop, hearts are still being stirred and plans have been met and new ones are emerging.

In late 2011 or early 2012, both of these teams did not know the other existed. They did not know that their individual decisions to visit a town in Guatemala at a particular time would be the very encounter God would use to make His plan to come to fruition. Yet, in order for this plan to be realized, each individual needed to be sensitive and obedient to the impression made on their heart. Without either the sensitivity or the obedience, we are not certain as to how this story would have played out.

When making a decision, how often do we consider how it may affect the world of the people already in our lives? How about the people we haven’t even met yet? What if each of our decisions were a piece to a much bigger plan? Although we can never be sure what sort of impression our decisions will make,  we can be certain that at any given time, any of of our decisions can be life altering.

Home, Sweet Home!

Being home is wonderful! The comfort of being in your own home, sitting on your own couch, the freedom of knowing your surroundings is indescribable. I guess living in a hotel room, out of a suitcase and being limited to going out only if someone comes and get you can make you appreciate being home.

I moved to Florida in 1997 from Boston. I was 19 years old and, if I am completely honest, running away from “home”; It really wasn’t home anymore. I wasn’t happy where I was or even felt like I belonged anywhere. Living at different friends houses for about 6 months; I was homeless. So, moving to Florida, starting anew, felt right.

Although I was a Christian at the time, I wasn’t walking with Lord. I had lumped Him with the people who had (in my eyes) disappointed me and felt He had nothing to offer me. I guess to an extent, I was running away from Him, too.

Now, 14 years later, I am making plans to leave this “home”. Not because I am not happy here or because I don’t feel like I belong. I’m not running away from the Lord this time…I am running to Him!

Being away from home is difficult. I know being away from what has become our home here in Florida will also be difficult because I still often struggle not being close to family and friends who are still in Boston. Yes, God can use whatever circumstance we put ourselves in to His Glory, but unlike my move to Florida, I have comfort in knowing that this move is ordained and Blessed by God.

As our move date has moved to June, 2012, we will be organizing more fundraisers and would appreciate any suggestions, help and prayers. Also, please consider how you can help support our ministry either with a one-time donation or a monthly commitment. Thank you!

 

When we are Available!

I haven’t had as much computer time as I thought I would so I haven’t been able to post anything all week. I find myself with sometime, so I will do my best to do a recap now. Sorry if this is long, but there have been so many God moments I want to share as much as I can, so here goes:

I came to Guatemala with not many expectations because if I have learned anything from past trips, the keyword is flexibility. I knew coming to this time would be different because I didn’t have a set minute by minute agenda or anyone to really do anything with. (Yes, I never meet a stranger and I could easily tag-along with people, but in my insecurities, I don’t like to bother anyone.) So, lesson number 1: Being a missionary can be lonely. People have told me this, but to actually experience it is a different story.

I am grateful I was able to experience this on a small dose because, although difficult, it is a reality of being in a new country!

Lesson 2: It’s good to have plan, just don’t be disappointed when things don’t go as planned. I knew I may not be able to get much done, so I wasn’t surprised when I wasn’t even able to open a bank account. My passport wasn’t enough…I needed a letter from immigration and a utility bill. The utility bill wouldn’t be so hard to get, but  I wasn’t able to get to the immigration office, so I wasn’t able to open account.

I also wanted to go visit places to live and Jake’s school. Yesterday, a new friend took me to the neighborhood where the school is. We were able to drive onto the grounds, but did not have time for a tour. She also lives in that same neighborhood so I was also able to see what we could expect when we are looking for rentals.

Lesson 3: Network, network, network. Participating with the 2 mission teams that were here working with the church allowed me to interact with the families from the church and the community. I was able to meet the Pastor and his family, but with all that was going on, (understandably) I didn’t get to spend much time with them. However, I was able to get to know a few people who gave me awesome advice and offered help us with the move and getting acclimated.

Lesson 4: I have a passion for nursing. This isn’t a surprise to me or to most people, but I love having the reminders every so often.

I was able to go into a hospital yesterday to drop off something items for a friend of the person I was with. The mom was spending the night with her son who had surgery earlier on his cleft palette. The hospital was a small Catholic hospital (nothing compared to the larger hospitals which are all over, but very expensive.) The room was a large room with about 8 beds. It is intended to be a pediatric surgical recovery room (mainly for children who had cleft palette surgery), but the other units were full so an older woman in a coma was placed there. It was pretty crowded.

A baby next to the little boy we were visiting was crying. He was so sweet! His mom was holding him, trying to console him, but nothing was working. Seeing them there, with their moms next to them consoling, praying, loving on their children, made my heart break. I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn’t. I wanted to do something!

Lesson 5: God does speak, we just have to listen. My ultimate goal was to receive word from God as to when we should make the move; I needed to know if February was my timing or His.

Earlier in the week, I was able to spend some time with a friend I had met on a previous trip. She mentioned that coming in February would not be wise because it may require Jake to repeat a grade  since it would be the middle of the school year. She suggested we wait until June. This would also allow us time to find a place we are both comfortable with, get settled and then Jake could start the new school year with everyone else.

I can’t say this advice wasn’t a tad disappointing to hear, but it was an answer to my prayer. Although the thought of moving in June instead of February had been introduced, I did not want to only lean on that advice and asked the Lord for further confirmation…which I received from numerous people who gave me the same advice. Yesterday, I believe was the concrete confirmation I was looking for. I was able to spend time with someone who’s children are in the school and had recently moved here from the States herself. She provided TONS of advice and specific details we need to move forward.

I know this still requires alot of prayer, but I feel peace in knowing Jake will get to finish out the school year at home, we will have more time to raise funds and I will be able to continue to serve and hopefully grow the post-abortion ministry at Calvary.

God is good ALL THE TIME! As long as we are available, He will reveal Himself and His plan for us. He is so Gracious to allow us to experience things in small doses so we are better prepared when the larger dose comes our way.

I may not have been successful in completing all I set out to do, but I did try to make myself available to Him. However He chose to speak, I wanted to be able to listen.

The trip isn’t quite over yet…I get to enjoy worshipping with the Vida Nueva congregation tomorrow, and then hopefully spend some times with friends before heading to the airport early Monday morning. But today as I sit here, I have a chance to look back at the week and see His hand over it all, and all I can do is PRAISE HIM. I PRAISE HIM for speaking to me. I PRAISE HIM for making this trip a time for He and I to spend time together. I PRAISE HIM for the uncomfortable times.  I PRAISE HIM for being with me throughout this week! I PRAISE HIM FOR MY SALVATION AND HIS GRACE!

Back to the Beginning…

I must admit, I have been in quite a funk today. I have felt this wave of discouragement and failure kind of like suffocating me. I have been seeking all day encouragement from outside sources knowing full well that my only encouragement and lifeline from this sense of drowning is my God and what His word speaks to me.

For some stupid reason, I did not go to the Word, but as Our Loving Father so often does, it came to me…

When I first felt the call to move to Guatemala and was telling people of this crazy idea, two beautiful people in my life (who do not know each other) gave this me the same verse. That verse was such a relief to me. I was free in that verse! It gave me peace in knowing, I will always have just enough (of everything) because my flesh would taint anything more. Now, that I feel like I am fighting to survive, His words ring true once again and remind me of my original request:

⁸ Keep falsehood and lies far from me; 
   give me neither poverty nor riches, 
   but give me only my daily bread. 
⁹ Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you 
   and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ 
Or I may become poor and steal, 
   and so dishonor the name of my God.
Proverbs 30:8

When God Speaks!

Last night was our second fundraiser. It was such a blessing to see everyone. Jake and I are truly Blessed! Thank you all to those who attended, and a special thanks to those who helped out, especially Debbie Tatem. She is truly a God-sent!

During last night’s dinner, it was mentioned alot how I heard the Lord. How He has called us to go to Guatemala. At one point, Jake asked me, “how do you know you are hearing from God and not just crazy?”. I heard him say it, but with all of the commotion going on, I didn’t answer him. So, he asked me this morning.

I told him I, honestly, don’t know how to explain it. I said that sometimes, it is a clear message that you hear or feel compelled to do, but others times, you really have to pray through to make sure it is His voice. Ultimately, you get to a point where you can better discern His voice, but it isn’t always definite (at least for me in my walk at this time).

I’m not sure if that is the best answer, but it was the best answer I had. I will be praying for God to give me the better answer though and pray for God to speak and let His presence be clear to Jake…gotta love that boy is seeking!!! PRAISE GOD!

If you were not able to make it last night, and would like to donate, it would be GREATLY appreciated! You may give online or mail a check to 3025 Los Altos Drive #1, Belleair Bluffs, FL 33770. Checks can be made out to me, Jennifer Sanabria, or can be made out to Calvary Baptist Church for tax deduction. Thank you!

Sneaking up fast!

Not only is my “logistics” trip to Guatemala coming up fast, but our second fundraiser is coming up fast, too! Have you RSVPd?? Have you invited your friends? It is a great cause!! 🙂

This fundraiser will be a dinner/silent auction at Bascom’s Chop House on Thursday, November 3 at 6:30pm. Please be there at 6:30 so you can bid on the silent auction before dinner starts. Along with dinner and the silent auction, we will also have a slideshow and a short presentation of what our trip will entail.

We have several great silent auction items, but if you have anything that you would like to donate, we would GLADLY take them. Ideas are designer bags, jewelry, paintings, sporting event tickets, photo sessions, consulting services (accounting, law, insurance, etc.).

The cost for the event is $30 per person. Cash only, please! Also, please bring cash for the silent auction, but checks will also be accepted. No credit cards, please!

If you are interested in attending or donating to this event, please contact me at sanabriaj26@msn.com. Your prayers are also very much appreciated!

It’s not always about you, Jennifer!

That was today’s message from the Lord…He reminded me through someone I met (via phone) today.

A few posts back, I wrote about how as we are obedient to God, we build a legacy where He will bless us and our children. I believed this wholeheartedly, but I was thinking long-term, like Jake could be blessed when he’s older after I am gone. Today, I was reminded that God’s plan for us to move to Guatemala could very well be more for Jake than it is for me.

I mean, I know the experience can and will be life-changing, but the new environment or something that he encounters in Guatemala could very well be the first step (or a re-enforcement) to Jake’s call.

I have not lost sight of what I am called to do, but now, I look at this move in a whole new light. My prayers for this chapter in our lives is not only for my ministry or for Jake to adjust well to the new environment, but for God to radically move in Jake’s life (even as a 13-year-old)!

I am learning so many things about God’s character and His will for our lives as we prepare to make this move and it all confirms that He does use and bless everyone! 🙂

All Glory to Him!

Free will…who says it’s free?

Everyday we are faced with decisions. Everything is a choice. We choose every step we take and every word we speak. We choose to react or not to react at all. Even when we are not consciously choosing, we are choosing. This is what is called “free will”. It’s a God-given gift.

This week, like every other week, I made bad decisions, but this, not like any other week, I chose to sulk in my defeat. Not necessarily wallowing, but “examining” why I did what I did when the answer is quite simple; I am not perfect and will not always make the best decisions. The part I forgot though, was that God already knew that.

He knows I am human and will make mistakes (sometimes the same ones over and over again), but He loves me anyways. My successes and failures do not determine how much He loves me or how He sees me. He always sees me the same…I am His daughter. He hurts when I make a bad decision, but it doesn’t change or alter His plans or love for me.

Knowing this truth should give me comfort. I should not feel bad when I make a mistake because, well, I’m human and it’s part of my DNA, but that isn’t the case. Because I know this truth, I want to do better, be better, live better. And in turn, I have another choice…

When I fall short (and it’s guaranteed I will) what will I choose to do? Will I hide and try cover what I’ve done? Will I justify my reaction? Will sulk in my defeat?

I already admitted, this week, I chose to sulk in my defeat with the cover-up of “examining” my behaviors. I, subconsciously, chose to entertain twisted truths of “I will never be good enough” and “I don’t deserve to be used for anything good”. Those statements are true: I will never be good enough and I don’t deserve to be used for anything, but God doesn’t see me like that, He sees me through Grace.

So, instead of hiding, covering, justifying or even examining where I made a wrong turn, I can just go to Him say, “I messed up, can You show me why and how I can avoid doing this again?” And the Awesome part? He will!

Choosing to come clean and admit I made a mistake isn’t the easiest of the choices and sometimes requires alot more of us, but who said free will would actually be free? After all, the Ultimate Price was paid on a cross over 2,000 years ago!

It’s Time…

Beloved, it’s time we crawled up into the Savior’s lap and
receive His lavish acceptance.
It’s time we quit trying so hard.
It’s time we relent of questioning of God’s motives.
It’s time we identify with Jesus’ sacrifices for us.
It’s time we fully believe in Jesus’ forgiveness.
It’s time we renounce trying to surrender and just do it.
It’s time we put an end to resisting God and begin resting in Him.
It’s time we dump what we’re not and reach for who God is.
It’s time we plant our feet firmly on God’s promises.
It’s time you and I delight in God.
Maybe it’s time we type this out and tape it to our mirrors
to remind us: It’s time.

-Excerpt from Tammie Head’s Duty or Delight?